Offensive joke thread! ( view only if prepared)
Related so I'll just leave this here.
Edit: if anyone can tell me what movie the pictures are from, please do.
A double…
So god man Adam last week, and he's getting bit lonely. Adam: "Thanks for the whole creating life thing I'm really enjoying it, and you're great company but I think I need another human…"
God: "Of course! How inconsiderate of me, I'll create the best companian you could ask for… loving caring… inteligent, beautiful!… A woman!"
God: "Okay I'll need an arm, a eye, a rib, a leg…"
Adan: "-Erm, could I get anything for a rib?"
God: "Sure lets see what I can do…"
And the flip side: God creates woman with 3 boobs, and things are great for about a week, but Eve goes over to go:
Eve: "God, these breasts are awesome! but could you get rid of one, my arms keep knocking into them and I can barely run for them, hitting my face."
God: "Sure let me just plunk the middle one off."
A Week later…
Eve: "God I'm getting pretty lonely, could I have a mate?"
God: "Sure, I'll make man! Now where did I put that useless tit?"
really funny :)
8456987 wrote: really funny :)
haha I rememebr that, I found my post form the time I'm like I'll believe when I see it.
Once upon a time, there was a king, and his very sexy daughter with humongous boobs. There was also poor farmer named Bob who wanted to bounce those giant, juicy, jiggly kickballs more than anything in the world. The king had warned everyone that if his daughter was touched by anycommoner, they would be killed. Farmer Bob asked the doctor if his lust was just a crazy idea or if there was anything that he could do for him. The doctor said "Sure, for $1,000."
The next week the doctor sprinkled an iching powder that he had made in the all over the inside of her shirt. After the doctor was called by the king he said "the only thing that will cure her is the saliva of this man. It should only take 4 hours." The king called up Farmer Bob and Bob gladly worked those glorious princess-tits over with his toungue for 4 hours.
Next day the doctor asked Farmer Bob for the money. Farmer Bob refused because the doctor couldn't report him, after all, that would only get them both killed. Well the next day the doctor slipped the rest of the itching powder into the kings underpants. 4 hours later…
I guess it's not that offencive.
another one! :D
8456987 wrote: another one! :D I don't get it. Many of those suggestions were implemented, so I don't see anything funny.
This thread is stupid and these jokes suck. None of them are even remotely funny.
http://www.mapping.com/headline.html Those are funny.
ynori7 wrote: This thread is stupid and these jokes suck. None of them are even remotely funny.
Come on! COM's joke had me on the floor. I can't call that movie clip though.
Here's one: 2 black guy's walking down the street see a German Shepard licking it's balls. The one looks at the other and say's "Man I wish I could do that". The other one looks at him and say's "I think you better go pet him first".
How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Let the bitch cook in the dark.
How are men and parking spaces alike? The good ones are always taken and the free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment …" The husband replies: "Your eyesight's damn Perfect."
and in the spirit of Christmas!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1akPA1BxSI
Ka-Boom! :D
Do you fools have anything better than "nigger-jokes"?
Q) How many feminists does it take two screw in a light bulb? A) 2. one to screw in the bulb, one to suck my cock.
Q) Whats the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? A) My erection.
Two guys are sitting at a bar, one says to the next: "pass the neaputs - sorry peanuts" Next guy: "No worries sme thing happened wiht my wife last night, meant to say pass the ketchup ended up saying FUCK YOU BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE"
MoshBat wrote: I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
:D good one
Why do men like smart women? Because opposites attract.
Why are guys like laxatives? They irritate the shit out of you.
Why don't men mind their own business? No mind, No business.
Mental Anxiety Menopause Mental Breakdown Notice that all problems start with men!
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because it would be Hell if they all went.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Boobs don't have eyes.
Compromise wrote:
Really, fashizzle, during Hanukkah? Really?
Actually spy, this wasnt at all a bad jewish joke, I have heard much worse. Also, Hanukkah isnt a real holiday. No one cares about Hanukkah, its similar to veterans day, and the only reason why it gets attention is in response to Christmas.
And yes, I am jewish…..