Biggest noob comment you have ever heard

Erm well I'm well bored so I thought i would make the thread of the noobyest/stupidest things you've heard regarding hacking etc.

-Datastream- asked for an ascii to plain text encrpytion in the forums.

my new computing A-Level teacher use the statement 'otherwise' instead of else when teaching php.

A friend of mine asked me what a PC is. She said she didn't know what it was, and that since i was the most computer-knowledgeable person she knows, that I should explain it to her. -_-

I've been asked the difference between mac and windows before.

Also, there was a guy in a room on a pc, playing some online game, and the game was lagging badly, his pc froze, he asked his mate what was going on, his mate said oh looks like he's frozen, the first guy says oh ok what should I do, the second guy says just leave it for a while, but the first guy says no I want to play this game! Be back in five minutes, so he walks off, turns out he went to the garage, he comes back into the room, opens up the pc, and sprays the HDD with anti-freeze!!! [True Story]

not computer related but :

my schools cooking teacher once said and i quote :

"Water can boil, settle, and burn."

HOW THE FUCK do you BURN Water?

Computer Related:

I told a kid to save a file on the desktop. Kid said thats not possible. I looked at him and asked "why not". He said its not possible to take files out of the computer and put it on his desk….. :xx:

I WAS SHOCKED… im pretty sure you guys would be too.

"Water can boil, settle, and burn."

HOW THE FUCK do you BURN Water?

maybe your cooking teacher meant that water can burn people…

"Water can boil, settle, and burn."

HOW THE FUCK do you BURN Water?

maybe your cooking teacher meant that water can burn people…

Oh I have a new one then… not computer related to but my graphics and design teacher said

"If you sign the contract, agreeing to come to this room when you have free lessons then we will reward you. …. your reward will be we mark your work and get it back to you within 10 days"

Not much of a reward… doing a job they allready have to do

I was in Firefox, and my ISP was going through some trouble, causing an error message. My Dad walks into the room and his solution was "Just go File - Open - Internet Explorer" and the net should be back up.

How can you think the INTERNET is stored in a file?

:o

interslice wrote: [quote]"Water can boil, settle, and burn."

HOW THE FUCK do you BURN Water?

maybe your cooking teacher meant that water can burn people…[/quote]

But liquids can't burn anyone, they scold

The internet is not a big truck! Its a series of tubes! :angry: :happy: -F*ck you Ted Stevens-

or on a non computer related not, in my Chem Honors class: "What color is fire without air", i almost killed myself laughing at this kid ;)

once i asked someone who really likes music why doesnt he buy an mp4 player for his clips, so he answered - "I already have an mp3 player, and Im waiting for mp5 to come out." WTF?!?!?!?

enforcer wrote: once i asked someone who really likes music why doesnt he buy an mp4 player for his clips, so he answered - "I already have an mp3 player, and Im waiting for mp5 to come out." WTF?!?!?!?

lmfao!!!!

a lady calls tech support and says "i just bought a computer, i like some of the features, such as the pop-out drink holder, but where do i put cds?"

hack4u wrote: not computer related but :

my schools cooking teacher once said and i quote :

"Water can boil, settle, and burn."

HOW THE FUCK do you BURN Water?

Hmm, well, I think this is the funniest thing I have heard (read) recently, seeming as water IS BURNABLE.

Somehow, I do not know science so I cannot explain but I do believe that water IS burnable. (by believe I mean know)

One of my schoolbooks had this question: Is /blahblahblah/ always blahblahblah when /blahblahblah/ is /blahblah/?

Multiplechoice awnsers: A) Yes - always B) Yes - Sometimes C) No

awnser b is so noob :P

u can make water explode by putting pure pottassium in it and the stupidest thing i ever said that wasnt comp related was "the only part of the potatoe i eat is the french fry"

The worst was when I was on helpdesk. I asked the user to look at his desktop and click on the My Computer Icon. He said there is not icon on my desk! TRUE STORY!!!

How about George W. Bush?

In one of his speeches, he used the term "Internets". I laughed my a@@ during that speech. I've adopted a new signature ever since that day.

The ICT teacher tat me and system had last year told us that she could "Speak fluent JavaScript". :D

I recieved a question on how to run jtr but the person said he couldn't run it because he didn't run dos just xp-pro and needed to download the dos program. Makes you just shake your head:angry:

Or in the shoutbox a while ago someone asked how to get to the HKEY's he was going to tweak his windows. Doesn't know where they are but he's going to tweak them… Hope he had fun reloading:D

Technician trying to explain why use an Anti-Virus :

Technician : Well you see an Anti-Virus is like a barrier it doesnt let the dog pass on your grass … Client : Oh, i see … it doesnt let pass the dog but it let the cat pass …

My one friend once told me I can get free ram because his friend has lots of it sitting in his basement. He said he had like, 50 rams.

Lol i could go on and on with these, ill name top 3

1, when kid told me he runs 'lihnux', and codes trojans in javascript 2, when that kids only friend told me "firefox is basically a virus cause it saves your cookies" 3, when my mate first told me he didnt have a graphics card, then asked me how large mine is o.0

A kid in my programming class at school, took the clock off the wall and brought it to his chair so that he could know the time. Lol, all that he had to was look at the computer desktop clock… lmao

i sometimes get funny people adding me on msn heres the funny chat i've had:

spyboy says: i hacked nasa while back spyboy says: few yrsago scankyfrank says: the website? spyboy says: stole alot of money spyboy says: no the ftp server scankyfrank says: ah, kk spyboy says: gotadmin access spyboy says: got into top serect stuff scankyfrank says: and d/led the money? spyboy says: over 1 million spyboy says: have meet kevin spyboy says: the furmuos spyboy says: one spyboy says: that went to jail spyboy says: u know kevin m scankyfrank says: yeah, quiet well spyboy says: i meet spyboy says: him him atdefcon

hmmm I seem to remember someone by the name of spyboy asking me how to hack! rofl!

Lol. When I told one of my friends I could program a trojan, he asked, "How do you make condoms on the computer?" I just laughed and walked away. The next day I said I learned how to make worms. He got creeped out, and said, "Ya right. Bring one to school tomorrow" I was soooo tempted to bring the cd and upload it to his file. Another time my friend was downloading something and I asked what he was doing and he replied, "Im uploading this file onto my computer. If you want I can download it to you." I asked wtf and corrected him. He still makes the mistake. Another time I asked if my friend knew what pirating was. He said no, but he knew what pirates were. I asked if he knew what an internet pirate was, he just gave me a weird look and said, "ummm, a geek dressing up in a pirate costume?"

One time at comp usa there were some people asking about how they can encrypt there e-mails for privacy. The tech working there told them that there ISP automatically encrypts them so there is no need for encryption.

Not computer related, but one of my friends said

1. This water is wet (he ment to say cold lol)
2. yes is a three letter word, while two is a no letter word It was ment to be Yes is a threee letter word, and no is a two letter word

he is abit dumb

my stepmom was having problems with her computer and she has no antivirus or antispyware never defrags, and she uses internet explorer and never does any other basic maintenence for windows. and yet she wonders why its having problems.

• I just sat there staring at him for ages and then burst out laughing. He had a really freaked look on his face…it was awesome.

THere are so many to choose from, but it is 2 am and I can't think of to many off the top of my head, so I will post one, then post others later:

I was on my computer when a friend was over. I was in the command prompt doingsomething when my friend glances at my screen and says "HOLY CRAP MAN!! GET OUTTA THERE!!! THE FBI IS WATCHING AND THEY WILL THINK YOU ARE TRYING TO HACK, MAN!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO HACK THEN LET ME TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT THE SAFE WAY…I have a program called prorat…just let me send you that by GOD DAMMIT GET OUTTA THE COMMAND PROMPT!"

¶I just sat there staring at him for ages and then burst out laughing. He had a really freaked look on his face…it was awesome.

to answer your question about burning water: you can't burn water because the heat it would require to burn it is higher than the heat needed to turn it into water vapor. And you can't burn steam because the point of chemical change through burning occurs, the compound has already gained enough energy to split into seperate atoms.

Someone i know got a paid computer course from her company to learn how to "double click" -beat that!

in romania, we have 2 types of ppl: the really smart ones and the really (goddam) dumb ones. in my class we only have the second ("specimen"). so.. a classmate who knew how to install windows asks me: "Hey, I saw how Linux is at a friend of mine yesterday." Me, overexcited to see some sign of intelligence, asked him: "Really? What distro?" He made the idiot face every1 from my classroom has and said: "IDK, I couldn't find My Computer. What is wrong with it? Where is C:? Why Aren't my games working ?" At that moment.. I was just about to burst into laugh. I just left.

Yesterday.. I give him Ubuntu. "How do I install linux? Is the CD Bootable?" At that moment.. slap STFU… idiot..

My high school offered a class in computer maintence, and my friend (who knew little about them) said to me, "We learned how to program comptuers today." (She said this to me over email as I was looking up some assembly interrupts) and I replied to her, asking her what language they learned to program in.

She said, "… what do you mean what language? We put the windows CD in and program it."

Needless to say, my head was on the keyboard. El sigho.

About a month ago I bought a USB Bluetooth adapter so that I can surf the net via my cellphone, my mom saw it so I explained how it works, about 5min later she walks in, sees the adapter, and asks, "What is that thing?"

Annoying Person: Im making a game Friend2: What are you making it in Annoying Person: 1's and 0's Friend2: *runs away laughing

[true story]

I will post mine again that beats the double click course:

I was working helpdesk. The user was having trouble with his computer so I told him to click on the icon on his desktop. There was a moment of silence then shuffeling of papers then he came back on the line and asked me what icon he was looking for on his desk top. I had to carefully walk him through that "desktop" meant the computer screen with little pretty pictures on it.

That was a fun time…30 mins to do 1 min of work :S

this isnt a mean n00b comment because the guy has NEVER used a computer before. a friend of mine who's 78 is learning to use a computer…. i got paid $50 for 3 hours of teaching him: how to turn the computer on. click, double click, right click open a word, type, save, open, print play a DVD….yes, insert disk, sit back, watch

again, not making fun of this guy. a great friend of mine and i owe him a huge amount, but thought id post it. and hey, at least he's still learning at 78

a couple of weeks ago in chemistry we all had to take an online test which was easy so everyone got like 95's and 100's. I changed the html so it looked like I got a 150. I showed one of my friends and he was holy crap thats insane how did you do that etc. etc. Then this dude sitting on the other side of me said " oh its really simple really, you just have to hack the site and change the binary." I was like haha ok sure.

I was on notepad in the liabary trying to design a flash site for school when…. girl:What are you doing? Petri:Homework Stuff girl:No your not thats just letters and brackets

A friend of mine told me that he had the best antivirus. If a hacker hack in his computer, antivirus gives him 5 seconds then it "kick" him out

He also told me that I can't ban him on IRC because his computer is better than mine :D

Hmm…. I've heard people say some pretty funny things about their antiviruses and what they can seemingly do. I've heard

• "My antivirus sends back the virus to the hacker" —1. Viruses aren't normally sent by the hacker, they normally replicate themselves off other people's computers —2. A hacker who has coded a virus isn't going to let his system be vulnerable to the same virus —3. How can is send the virus back without being a hacking tool itself and therefore illegal
• "My antivirus give me the hackers IP so I can hack them back" —1. Same as above —2. If you say something like that you wont be able to hack anyway
• "I don't have an antivirus because if I don't know about the virus then I don't have to do anything about it" —1. Err, and when it deletes C:\? —2. Bugger I wish I'd thought of that :p

In conclusion

42

I know someone from my school who once said to hack a computer you type "hack" in notepad and save it as some obscure file extension. I was roflling :happy:

This guy in my former class thought that "Random" was a race in Warcraft 3 and when we talked about how the water go around in the enviroment and basicly that we drink the same water the dinosaures pissed out, he said. Then I´m the only one not drinking dinosaur piss because i only drink coca cola :D

chislam wrote: A kid in my programming class at school, took the clock off the wall and brought it to his chair so that he could know the time. Lol, all that he had to was look at the computer desktop clock… lmao

This actually made me laugh to myself.

Currently in my computing lessons we are going through Microsoft Access and databases (yawnnn) and my teacher … implies we use multiple tables so we don't have to repeat data. Some fat lonely nerdy kid came up with the idea of a 'Multiple copy and paste key'. To which a different fat lonely nerdy kid replied 'but that would lead to hackers… knowing data is stored loads. loads of hacking… loads……… and loads' then they both giggled.

Personally, I found it sickening. If only they knew.

[edit]

The same kid called us over to see his 'hack' on the school… he had opened page source. People were extremely impressed by it though. I was THIS close to showing him my admin status and access to C:\ and WINDOWS folder. Allthough… he wouldn't fully appreciate it.

We had to code a webbrowser in vb… he came out with "Just download firefox, it's the best webbrowser available for hackers like me."

People like that make me feel so skilled! ha

heres some of the stuff i have heard

1.hackers are bad if we diding have them computers and software would be 100X more advanced

2. yo guess wut i did last night? i was like: what? i coded this sick ass program last night, i was like what ? adn he said hold on ill show you but be warned this is high class shit right here you cant see this no where else. im like ok show me. guess what he oppend ?? a html file that said following. Hello world -.-.

bigpimping wrote: heres some of the stuff i have heard

1.hackers are bad if we diding have them computers and software would be 100X more advanced

2. yo guess wut i did last night? i was like: what? i coded this sick ass program last night, i was like what ? adn he said hold on ill show you but be warned this is high class shit right here you cant see this no where else. im like ok show me. guess what he oppend ?? a html file that said following. Hello world -.-.

Gahaha I think we could be in the same computing class and are both mocking the same idiot!

some kid i know claimed to be a hacker and claimed that he could hack AOL. when i asked how, he was like "oh, this hack called javascript injections"

some dumbass was all "yeah, I can totally hack you! man I get you to log off" I was like, no you cant, homo.

To which he replies "I'll do that later. first look at this hilarious picture… I'll send you the program. Just click it to see it."

I was like Dude, your gay, im not gonna open that. Its only 120 bytes asshole.

"Lol it's Lo Res."

Im like, Give up dumbass.

G_man0222 wrote: some dumbass was all "yeah, I can totally hack you! man I get you to log off" I was like, no you cant, homo.

To which he replies "I'll do that later. first look at this hilarious picture… I'll send you the program. Just click it to see it."

I was like Dude, your gay, im not gonna open that. Its only 120 bytes asshole.

"Lol it's Lo Res."

Im like, Give up dumbass.

And I was all like 'that's right man, you're so gay!' because homosexuality is an insult, and not being able to hack determines your sexuality. And I was all like, 'k man, using the term gay is so totally gay.' And I think I've made my point.

oh man…this one n00b said the stupidest thing ever:

this one chick name CrazyCaity123 or somethign dumb like that said:

And I was all like 'that's right man, you're so gay!' because homosexuality is an insult, and not being able to hack determines your sexuality. And I was all like, 'k man, using the term gay is so totally gay.' And I think I've made my point.

(Sorry caity…to good to pass up)

Theres this dude at school that thinks im some kind of uber hacker that can do anything, id like to think someday that i could but atm i cant! anyway to the point this dude likes to ask me to hack infront of everyone and these are a few things he has said.

(when my skool's linguascope subscription ran out) hack linguascope and get our schools subscription back up for free to which i replied: and how the fuck would i go about doing that? view the HTML code, chage it and save it!!!!

i have recently told this kid that i hacked a website with a program called hackprogram v1.0 (it was ironic that he believed me)

these are a few random things ive heard.

P2P isnt really downloading, cause downloading is getting something off the internet and P2P isnt from the internet its from someone elses computer, so its more sideloading.

(over MSN) my internet connection isnt working, can you help me fix it?

My Grandma: watching news "Teen girls these days need to stop having cybersex. They're gonna get pregnant."

After that came a 10 minute lecture on how I need to be careful ab00t not getting pregnant (over the internet) :P

PureEvil wrote: hack linguascope and get our schools subscription back up for free to which i replied: and how the fuck would i go about doing that? view the HTML code, chage it and save it!!!!

The funny thing about that is that it is possible to hack linguascope. I couple of months ago a friend of mine created a new language on the homepage :P and added new users. Unfortunately we told them so they could patch it :(

Ive had someone tell me they were going to make a game….

In binary

I think everyone has had an experience of someone hacking/programming/doing something else computery (delete as appropriate) in binary

actually, a new ICT teacher, well he was already teahcing irish but new to ICT, was listing the advantages of email.

He said "You can send any type of file you want" I asked him [slightly confused] "I dont think you can send files such as executables" He replied "And what are these called when there at home"

Then we can to explain to him what .exe's were

"Can you come up with a new 'hacker name' for me? I don't like the one I have now. Can you make me something 'original' ?"

lol

"You can't hack my computer because i have this program that cost me $300 and it's called HackThis and it sends w/e you give me back to you." LMAO- some half minded fool said that to me in French I lol

PureEvil wrote: Theres this dude at school that thinks im some kind of uber hacker that can do anything, id like to think someday that i could but atm i cant! anyway to the point this dude likes to ask me to hack infront of everyone and these are a few things he has said.

(when my skool's linguascope subscription ran out) hack linguascope and get our schools subscription back up for free to which i replied: and how the fuck would i go about doing that? view the HTML code, chage it and save it!!!!

i have recently told this kid that i hacked a website with a program called hackprogram v1.0 (it was ironic that he believed me)

these are a few random things ive heard.

P2P isnt really downloading, cause downloading is getting something off the internet and P2P isnt from the internet its from someone elses computer, so its more sideloading.

(over MSN) my internet connection isnt working, can you help me fix it?

lmao that msn bit really cracked me up.

-Reaper4334-

yeah, i guessed linguascope is possible and i wonder if you could send me a link to where i could see what u did, that would be great.

anyway i got another 1 for ya lads that i just rememberd.

in year 8 we had this new ICT teacher and we were doing summin in powerpoint or word or some fucking boring application, so my mate mike pissed off this girl by copying and pasting an image loads of times all over her work, using the KEYBOARD! so while we were pissing ouselves lauging the ICt techi guy, (he thinks hes the oracle when it comes to PC's) asks how we he did it, he got a dt lol. fair enuf tho as he did "ruin" a girls work,2 mins later i go over and say hey love look do this (hold the undo keys for a while)

sorry bout double post, ran out of reply room.

ok another 1 with these new laptops we have in the science dept.

some idiot worked out the key combo for the stupid high contracst setting and for some dumb reason thought it was a hack. so he did it to everyones PC. soon the whole fucking class knew how to do it and every 10 seconds someone was like "look ill hack you, and turns on high contast"so then i take one look at the keyboard and figure that if i press Fn and F12 it hiberbnates the PC (i think tht was it, its insignifcant to me anyway) so i went round and hibernated some idiots PC, who then reported me to the teacher for breaking the computer (all he saw was it turn off, idiot)

my maths teacher said this once. i dont need help with computers, i used to be an ICT teacher. oh can someone go and get the IT technician please (honest to god, she seriously thought that you could use 2 pens on one of those interactive whiteboards at the same time.) i appreciate on some u might be able to, but on these you cant, you cant even use the mouse and the pen at the same time.

i have a ICT book that with a short paragraph about HTML and it shows a picture beside it saying "Sample of HTML code" and its CSS, ill try and get the picture up

Hmm most noobish thing ive ever heard would have to be. Some guy came into my work the other day and the conversation went like this.: customer"hell young man can i please speak to the person incharge" (grrrrrrrrrrr he disrespecting me cause of my age) me "i am that person in charge sir" customer "oh are you sure there isnt anyone older" me "no there is not so please whats the problem sir' customer "well whenever i hit the on button nothing happens i got this brand new wireless laptop and nothing is happening when i hit the on button" me "well come here and plug it into the power and i will take a look at it" customer "WHAT!?!?! plug it in. You dont need to do that son its wireless" me "well sir considering you believe that this requires no wires to run at all thats your problem right their because you havent charged the battery and dell sends laptops with flat or uncharged batteries" customer "well what a bloody waste of money if i have to plug it into the wall to use it" me sigh "ok well you bought it sir and its too late to refund. NEXT!" Yeh thats my storie