Poetry

You forgive me for liking you too much, And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so, And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart, And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games, And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive, And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high, And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you, And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic, And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go, And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams, And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace. Do we have a deal?

i would like someone's opinion. thanks in advance

like it:p

It's okay, not my style though. I find this a little too.. "easy". I always play with language, you know what I mean right? Can't really describe it, it's something you have to feel.

Very good . Its obvious its meant for someone . The point is well made !

erm not much of a poetry fan its ok for something to chuck together and give to some one but personally i think it is too emo chuck some balls in there and make it a bit more wild :P

B)

if and when i do read poetry, i normally want something with many layers of meaning that i can get stuck into. something that might not make sense at first glance, or mean something completely different to another person.

sure, if its for a person then its a great present and shows that you are spending loads of time on her(?) but for me, i dont really find it that involving.

Its good, I doubt you have arranged ideas before writing. But anyways, its not bad.

cliche, but definitely something that could be related to, with a little tinkering.

I really liked what spyware said about "playing with words". Because, it's true.

I know you're going for a repeating pattern here, and there's nothing wrong with that. Repetition can be extremely effective. It can also be downright annoying.

I think, if you start to "play with the words" a little more (I know that's really hard to grasp, but once you've got it, you've got it) you'll find the repetition serves its place as more of a framework for your ideas at the end of each line, rather then a theme of laziness.

Also, always keep in mind exactly what it is that you want to say or convey. what's your POINT. center on that. wrap all the words around it, however subtly. Writing random words that sound beautiful together is great, but no one but you will know what it means, in the end.

keep trying. feel free to send any revisions to me. I love poetry to death.

well I just finished another poem. I put a bit more thinking into this one. Use of constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

You would think by now, I would know my way around, I shouldn't miss you so badly, I should be on familiar ground. How many more lonely years, must meander by, until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry. What manner of iron will, must some people possess, to be always looking forward, to never accept regress. Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand, they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land. Perhaps I'm only homesick, for all the joys that once were mine, I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time. But I know that deep within my heart, there's a place where only you reside, and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide. So if sometimes it seems to you, I'm clinging to the past, it's mostly because I can't yet accept, that our love didn't last. No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you, for the part of me that's still alive, believes you love me too. Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die, and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try. And what a splendid day that will be, when I awaken to discover, I'm happily learning a great new land, with a great new friend and lover

I'm liking the second one a lot, it has a better… ach i hate english… feel? Hard to put in english what should be expressed in greek or latin haha. Anyway, work on the first one a bit, they were write (haha) about "playing with language" so go and research rhetoric a bit, use some more symbolism or something, just give it deeper layers of meaning. Turn it into a poetic onion, you know what i mean?

Anyway, great poems, I like them. If you revise either, please pm me with it! Thanks

:happy: thanks for the feedback. I think I understand what you mean about the onion thing too.

Enkei wrote: :happy: thanks for the feedback. I think I understand what you mean about the onion thing too.

Drop the AA-BB scheme man. Not everything has to rhyme.

yeah spyware's right; you don't have to make it free verse (although that would be good considering the theme!) but it does not have to have a set rhyme scheme, or even rhyme at all, if you wish. The meaning, not the sound, is what's important; you can probably add more depth and meaning if you open yourself to pure expression.

And no, I'm not transcendentalist or emo haha